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| this summer sucks........ ------------------------------------------------------ every day you are alive is a special occasion,
every breath and every minute is your a gift.
happiness should depend on what you
can give, not what you can get.
t's a funny thing about coming home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you. 
That night we talked, we talked about life, about our times together.
Maybe we aren't the same two kids we once were, but some things
never change. Some things last, and even though I didn't know what
was going to happen to us or where we were going, I just knew
I couldn't let you out of my life. Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living. "I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did, of who I am. And most of all... I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life, the way I feel when I'm with you." 
As for being patient with fate and all, it's getting old. And my mind is slowly changing. "He stayed in the middle of the road for a long time, trying to catch his
breath, hoping she would turn around and come back to him, wishing
he hadn't let her go. Wishing for one more chance."
-Nicholas Sparks. There hasn't been one day since you left where I haven't fought the urge to put you back in my life. 
"Sometimes, I just don't feel the desire to be around anyone I am always around." I could feel the wanting catch up with me. But if I have to want it, it’s not really happening is it? It’s just more wishing that’s all. I wish I didn’t wish so much. So I said between my smiles and my regrets "Don't let this be over." but you put your hand over my mouth and whispered "It already is." Some thing had changed in me, even if I didn't know what it was just yet. All I could think was that with him… I felt alive for the first time. If only it could have lasted.. 
We all have an enormous capacity for believing in anything that will provide us with a bit of comfort. 
And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own It was you that showed me who I am, and taught me how to stand for what I know is real. Now I'm breathing for the first time and I'm leaving all this behind. I've become what I am because of you. It was you.  | | |
| SUMMMMERRR!!! Words can't even describe.................................. truth: I'm utterly confused, but am going to push that confusion in the back of my mind and go with whatever i want to go with -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
She missed him. Not enough to want him back,
but just enough for it to hurt.
I’m afraid of time… I mean, I’m afraid of not having enough time. Not enough time to understand people, how they really are, or to be understood myself. I’m afraid of the quick judgments or mistakes everybody makes. You can’t fix them without time. I’m afraid of seeing snapshots, not movies.
I've been broken before, I know what
it's like to see something funny and not laugh.
sometimes you leave because you really just want to stay.
anything or anyone that does not bring
you alive is too small for you. 
I fly in water and swim in air.
My world is nonsense, but I don't care. 
Every lucky man has a bad day
And pretty girl has a scar 
"My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing" |
| It's all memory in the sun or it's all in the darkness
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My thoughts tend to sound better in books i didn't write, and in the songs I didn’t sing. Even then, sometimes there is no piece of literature, no song, no work of art that can really explain the way you feel. There is a double-edge comfort in knowing that no one really knows. And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain - the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head - but it was manageable. I could live through t. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time,
rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it. "The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late,
is that the more that you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer,
because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt." -Thomas Merton
Where ever I am I always find myself looking out the window
wishing I was somewhere else.
"I don’t think that there are any limits to how excellent we could make life seem." -Everything is Illuminated
 I remember being thirteen years old, sitting in my room all night, listening to the same song over and over. I thought that if I could write something beautiful, something honest, I could make someone love me.
"I think it’s important to take the time to tell the people you love how much you love them while they can hear you." -Meredith Grey
I regret that it takes a life to learn how to live.
-extremely loud and incredibly close  
The best kind of love is doing whats best for someone else even if it hurts. The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad.
You know, when Sad tries to bite its lip and
not cry and smile and go, “No, I’m happy for you”?
That’s when it’s really sad i hope you're learning to listen, and i hope you're learning to stay.
and i hope you find what you're missing,
and i hope that you're making your way 
"What did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think. I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it." -Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Why is it that when you miss somebody so much
that your heart is ready to disintegrate,
you always hear the saddest song ever on the radio?
“Isn’t it nice to know that you haven’t yet laughed, all that you’ll laugh? That you haven’t yet met, some of your very best friends? And that you haven’t yet dreamed, all that you’ll manifest? That all bridges will be mended? That all sadness will be healed? And that life never ends? That all of your challenges will be won? That all of your triumphs will be shared? And that the difference you’ll make, has already begun? Well, it is for me, because I also know that if you don’t see these things yet, you will. Could it get any better?” -The Universe
i love you
i hope that when you’re laying in bed
after a terrible night, watching terrible tv
that you don’t feel alone
that you never really feel alone | | |
| i can't believe this happened.... ....well i can, i just wish it didnt happen so soon, so fast. i'm just run down now =[ ------------------------------------------------------------ "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. 
"so this is it, the feeling that i've missed.
a subtle kind of pain that keeps me from sleep.
i try to explain how your touch drives me insane,
i can't spend a night without wishing i was with you. In that moment, I felt my heart break. And I thought, "I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you", and then it slowly crept into my mind that no matter how bad I wanted or needed you, it wouldn't matter. Somehow, and very painfully I was sure, my life would continue. With or without you, right? 
I miss you most when I'm driving alone and that song comes on the radio. You know, the one you always used to sing to me, no matter how much grief I gave you. You always sang it and I always smiled at you.
One of these days, Im going to reach my limit. =--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i can't do this, i'm in too much pain. | | |
| i really just don't understand what just happened. i'm really baffled, and confused, i just wish he would see things from my point of view, i just wish he wouldn't yell, im working on being strong, and think i've done a prettty good job so far. who knows how long this will hold up though. am i really insecure? am i really paranoid? i started thinking, "no, not at all, you've come so far, you've done so well". Now i'm thinking otherwise. I wish he would see that i don't mean it to be annoying or come off insecure, that i really am just curious. I just sometimes feel disconnected, that he is living awholenother world, and i'm just trying to connect the links. is there more? am i missing something? i don't have time for this, or patients or stamina. My engine's burning out but my battery keeps going. I'm a contradicted statement. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I miss you most when I'm driving alone and that song comes on the radio. You know, the one you always used to sing to me, no matter how much grief I gave you. You always sang it and I always smiled at you. 
I wanna marry you because you're the first person I wanna
look at when I wake up in the morning and the only one I
want to kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands,
I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them.
-Definitely, Maybe 
One of these days, Im going to reach my limit. There's two types of people in the world,
the givers and the takers,
and the givers always sleep better. 
I realized that none of my great days in life matter without you. You're the one I want next to me when my dreams come true. You're the one I want next to me if they don't. As long as I have you, nothing else matters.
-one tree hill <3 
"Between the arguments and the tears, I can't hear my own thoughts
anymore. I have no clue of what I want, what I need, what I should have.
I miss being able to count on you." 
"You’ll meet her, she’s very pretty, even though sometimes she’s sad for many days at a time. You’ll see, when she smiles, you’ll love her."  People who have slept in the same bed for 25 years may not be truly joined, and people who are many miles apart may not be separate at all.
-A Return to Love. “I can feel what you are feeling now - and you are worth it.”
- Jasper Hale 
More than anything all I have ever wanted is to be close to someone. More
than anything, all I have ever wanted is to feel as if I wasn’t alone.
- a million little pieces I've been running around for the last year trying
to find some clarity and all of a sudden I am so clear,
and it's ridiculous, I want to be with you. don't know, it's like we're two halves of
the same person, or something. And when
we're apart we just aren't happy.
[Desperate Housewives] We talked about old times,
and it made me smile because
you didn't forget. Truth is, sometimes you scare the shit out of me.
You make me feel as if I’m not alone.
Yet, I know any minute you have the ability
to rip that feeling from me. Truth is, I love you,
and that in itself, is scary enough. 
"I'm glad you've realized what you've been missing."
- Gossip Girl 
you're amazing, you know that?
you see me breaking, falling apart,
so full of hatred, and yet you love me.
you see me crying, weak, & yet remain unphased.
i don't know how you can love me,
but whatever it is i hope it doesn't go away. | | |
| CHALLENGE DAY : most amazing day of my life Today my school held this event, for the second year in a row, called Challenge Day. About 100 kids and 20 adults participate in this adventure of discovery, acceptance, and understanding. It was truely an eye-opener for me and I have never felt so connected to complete strangers in my life. Everyone, including myself, just completely opened up about things they normally wouldn't share and just cried their eyes out. At the end of the day I was emotionally drained; but in a good way. Finally all the stress and all my burdens were lifted and I was comforted, I was accepted, I was loved and cared for. There's no better feeling than to become completely vulnerable yet be completely embraced and comforted. Never again will I judge someone, or stand by while others get made fun of. I will make a difference, I will stand up for what i believe in, and I will succeed. I wish that everyone would get the opportunity to experience this truely life changing day. "Be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi ---------------------------------------------
No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the worldEnjoy the little things, for one day you may look
back and realize they were the big things.
+Robert Brault You will learn to help yourself.
It will break your heart, and It will
make you strong.
 I do not care what car you drive, where you live. If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone. If your clothes are this year's cutting edge. If your trust fund is unlimited. If you are A-list or B-list or never-heard-of-you list. I only care about the words that flutter from your mind. They are the only thing you truly own. The only thing I will remember you by. I will not fall in love with your bones and skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been.
I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.
At the end of the day, you either focus on
what seperates you.. or what holds you together.
Knowing is better than wondering
Walking is better than sleeping
And even the biggest failure,
Beats the hell out of never trying. Regret comes in all shapes and sizes.
Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason.
Some are bigger like when you let down someone you love
When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story.
Everyone has gone through something that has changed them. | | |
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